Tuesday, April 24, 2007

How to deal with guilty feelings

It's amazing how much time I spend thinking about either food or my body image. This is a very common trait I've found with people who suffer from ED.
There are times when I wish that I could just jump out of my own skin if only for a day or two to actually see what others see.
Other times, though, I can be happy with who I am and what I've accomplished. I try not to let the "highs" become too high and the "lows" become too low.

When I'm having good days I try to bookmark them and use them as an example of how I can deal with my emotions on a positive level. I've noticed that with my running I'm able to channel my negative thoughts into a positive vehicle and that helps.
When I'm having bad days, though, it usually centers around how I'm feeling about myself. I fight hard not to let it snowball into something bigger which can usually lead to a binge/purge pattern. Thankfully these episodes are not happening very often. I find that not letting feelings of guilt linger too often is the key for me.

Letting go of the past is not something that is easy to do but dwelling on a poor eating day etc. doesn't help either.
Finding a healthy balance between eating and exercise is something that most everyone suffers from.

When I'm having a bad day I try to remember how I've overcome these in the past. I do this by calling upon positive examples from my own experiences and this usually helps. Instead of beating myself up for a bad choice I try my best to use this as a motivation to work harder the next time. By not allowing myself to dwell too much on the negative I'm hopefully preventing things from becoming worse.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Becoming happier with your inner self

First let me apologize for not posting more often here but my running seems to have taken on a life of it's own.

Tonight I met this amazing person who also has an eating disorder and it sparked me to write something in my blog about it.

It never ceases to amaze me how this disorder can manifest itself in many different ways and then rear it's ugly head for no particular reason. It is something that I think about on a daily basis but try not to let it dominate my life. For me, it's all about coming to grips with who I am and how I want to live my life. I know that for me, it's all about body image and that is what usually triggers a bulimic episode. How people view me has little effect because it's how I see myself that I focus on.

I have good and bad days like anyone else who suffers from ED and what I'm trying to focus on is becoming happier with my inner self.
I'm not an overly religious person, but for me, I've found that I can control my inner peace by trying to focus on positive aspects in my life. My outlet to dump some, if not all, of my negative thoughts is my running. Many of my friends call me the "King of Junk Miles." What that refers to is running more than I need to.

However, only my closest friend knows WHY I have to run. It has nothing to do with training but instead allows me to start my day off on a positive note. If I have any residual negative feelings from the day before, I can go for a run, process them and then leave them on the road. I find that nothing even comes close to the feeling of peace I get when I'm running. Some people find this in art, music or reading. Whatever it is though, you need to find a healthy outlet to deal with what you are thinking about or eventually it will come back to haunt you.

Another friend of mine told me today that she thought I was running "away" from something. I've been thinking about that quite a bit and I honestly feel like I am running "towards" something. I think that "something" is becoming happier with myself on a more consistent basis.